Decider: Out of all the people you have roasted, who has been the best sport?
Jeffrey Ross: Everyone I’ve roasted has been a great sport. The only person that ever came after me was Penny Marshall. It all started when I roasted her ex-husband Rob Reiner. I said, “What was your wedding song, ‘How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?’” I saw her at a roast two months later and she attacked me. Luckily I’m a black belt in karate.
D: How did she attack you?
JR: She headed toward me in a drunken rage. So, I made a joke. I said, “Which one were you again? Lenny or Squiggy?” Of course, they escorted me out the back door. Occasionally a roastmaster needs to get out of Dodge.
D: Or you can roast the whole cast of The Hills. That works, too.
JR: Oh boy, I’d rather bang the cast of The View. Seriously, though, Spencer Pratt? That guy is adorable. He’s like Lance Bass’ retarded nephew.
D: Miley Cyrus.
JR: Well, I’ve got a good story about Miley Cyrus. My nephews begged me to take them to see Hannah Montana, but it was sold out. So I took them to see Hannah New Jersey.
D: How old are your nephews?
JR: They are 6 and 12. They got a couple handjobs in the lobby on the way out.
D: Okay, here’s one for you to roast—Lindsay Lohan.
JR: You know what? Lindsay is a friend of mine. I feel like she’s gotten a raw deal. So, Lindsay, wherever you are, I hope you find love, and, uh, I hope I can watch.
D: Amy Winehouse.
JR: Oh my God, she is the greatest. She makes Courtney Love look like Mother Theresa.
D: Paris Hilton.
JR: The Hilton sisters. How great is it that two sluts are named after a cheap motel?
D: Oprah Winfrey.
JR: Oprah. You don’t mess with Oprah. She has enough money in her left pocket to have me killed.
I guess the thing that angers me the most is that he makes it quite evident that the best way to "roast" a woman is to (1) attack her femininity/fuckability, (2) sexually objectify her, or (3) call her a slut. Someone needs to send him a memo that relying on the basic tenets of sexism to insult women does not make one a comedic genius.