"There is difference and there is power. And who holds the power decides the meaning of the difference." --June Jordan

Friday, May 8, 2009

Graduate School: "An inclubator for anxiety and depression"

For anyone else who has felt the debilitating effects of grad school anxiety, click over and read this article at The Chronicle of Higher Education:

Graduate school is gaining a reputation as an incubator for anxiety and depression.

Social isolation, financial burdens, lack of structure, and the pressure to produce groundbreaking work can wear heavily on graduate students, especially those already vulnerable to mental-health disorders.

Studies have found that graduate school is not a particularly healthy place. At the University of California at Berkeley, 67 percent of graduate students said they had felt hopeless at least once in the last year; 54 percent felt so depressed they had a hard time functioning; and nearly 10 percent said they had considered suicide, a 2004 survey found. By comparison, an estimated 9.5 percent of American adults suffer from depressive disorders in a given year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Meanwhile, nearly a quarter of the graduate students surveyed were not aware of mental-health services on the campus. And another Berkeley study recently found that graduate students were becoming increasingly disillusioned with careers in academe and did not view large research institutions as family-friendly workplaces (The Chronicle, January 23).

66 comments:

Lilivati said...

For me, graduate school drove a lingering long-term depression into a suicidal depression. I was driving home from the grocery store one night when I had to fight to keep myself from driving my car off the bridge. I went in to see a counselor the next day (because that experience scared me into action) and within two weeks I had decided to quit grad school. I love astrophysics and I still miss being a part of that community, but it wasn't worth it, not by a long shot.

My fiance was not vulnerable to suicidal thoughts or depression in the same way I was, but seeing how his graduate school experience has exhausted and demoralized him was enough to make me want to firebomb his advisor's office. He also seriously contemplated quitting last summer, and while he ultimately decided not to, he also refuses to spend 100+ hours a week on it anymore. His theory is the worst that happens is that they throw him out, and that would hardly be the end of the world. Surprise surprise- since he's not killing himself with stress and work, both his grades and the quality of his research have improved. (He's about to start his "second year paper", essentially his program's equivalent to a master's thesis, and I expect to have many more close brushes with arson in the coming months.)

There's a major backlash coming down the pike for acadamia, especially as more women get involved. Y'know, those pesky broads who don't want to wait until they need fertility treatment to have families and who have this totally unreasonable expectation that their work environments should support a full and meaningful life. (Also, see those pesky broads involved with grad students who share with their sig. other's weird expectation that they be involved in their home life.)

Tracey said...

Thanks for commenting, Lillvati. Believe it or not, I thought grad school was going to be sort of a breeze, since my class schedule seemed so light compared to the 12-hour days of class I used to put in during my undergrad, but something about the environment and the workload and the expectations and the looming deadlines combine to make me feel sometimes like I'm not cut out to be an adult. Or to do anything, really. Sunday nights, I get so anxious about starting the new week and all of the constant worry about my impossible to-do list that I just want to hide in my bedroom and not come out.

I'm surprised more people don't talk about this.

plumpdumpling said...

Funny, because even when you talk about grad school putting a lot of pressure on you, I'm like, "Phwrhgr. You wake up late, spend most of your day at home, and don't even have to leave the house on at least one day." Who knew? (And sorry!)

It seems like a lot of the depression stuff stems from the type of people who go to grad school, though, right? Highly motivated people or people who are avoiding the real world or people who don't want to have corporate structure seem more likely to have depression problems to begin with. Just a guess, of course.

Tracey said...

I know! It should be so easy, right? I can't say I hate the schedule, but I can't ever enjoy the freetime, when none of it is really free.

If I was prone to depression to begin with, it seems like music school should have brought it out more hardcore than grad school, but maybe it just kept me constantly busy enough that I didn't have time to feel overwhelmed about all the work and high expectations.

idlidosa said...

I am so glad I read your post today. I went through grad school and barely came out alive. I suffered from extreme depression and overwhelming anxiety attacks. The strange thing was that no one talked about this or even warned me of this when I was considering grad school.I have written a post about it here: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5840500/dont_go_to_graduate_school.html?cat=4

Tracey said...

I was actually very lucky in grad school, because I went to school in my hometown and was surrounded by family and friends, AND I was in a program with great people who weren't overtly competitive, AND I had a generally supportive faculty.

But I STILL felt a type of anxiety, pressure, and low self confidence over reading and projects and deadlines that I've never felt in any other environment. And it seemed like everyone I knew at school as feeling it, too, to one degree or another.

Anonymous said...

thank your for your post. I am reaching a breaking point. I made some huge, unchangable trade offs on the personal side of my life in order to maintain the flexibility to come to graduate school. It's a long story but my job was related. It's all about what didn't happen, rather than what did. This threw me into a depression. I was naive in thinking that quitting my life and moving acrss the country would help me escape the cirumstances that contriuted to my depression, and the places that reminded me of that. I wanted to start new and fresh, to be open to new places a new life somewhere else. So here I am 32, alone, across the country from my friends and mother ( my only family). I left my job, I remortgaged my condo to pay for school, and bought a car becuase my school is in the sticks. Then, in November I had a terrible car accident writing off the car. The insurance company has fought my claim, so I am likely loosing the value of the car and cannot afford another. No one was hurt, but it has crossed my mind more than a few times that it could have been a way out. My mother is very senior and not emotionally strong, I couldn't tell her. To top it all off recently during a visit with her I discovered that she no longer recalls what she did yesterday. She lives alone in a house, still drives (but probably shouldn't). There are no siblings, no other relatives. I am it, she is my responsibility. The academic pressure, the financial pressure, the stinging regret at my personal decision and the lack of support (my classmates are all straight out of undergrad and mostly mostly locals), the familial obligation across the country. The implications of her care (she has a limited income). It's too much. I can barely get out of bed, much less plan a schedule. I don't know what to do... there doesn't seem to be any way out and there are so many things that still need doing that won't go away. This is not living. This is hell and I don't think that there is any way to stop it from getting worse.

Anonymous said...

I was lucky to have an undergrad adviser suggest this book before I applied for grad school: http://www.amazon.com/Getting-What-You-Came-Students/dp/0374524777 (Robert L. Peters' "Getting What You Came For"). It does devote space to the high degree of anxiety that many graduate students face.

That said, even knowing what you're getting into doesn't necessarily make it any easier. Grad school is grueling and draining. If you're considering getting a Ph.D. to go into academia, it's all for a very uncertain future these days.

I think it helps to take things a day at a time and not to lose site of the fact that you do not have to complete your degree. You can constantly reevaluate your decision along the way and when it no longer makes sense to put yourself through it, there is life outside of grad school!

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous #1

That is a really difficult situation to be in, and I really hope you can get help. Talk to the counselors on your campus; that's what they're there for. I can't even imagine the sheer hopelessness and regret you may feel from time to time. If it's any consolation, things can get better.

I was in an awful, awful situation with loneliness, financial responsibilities, and a toxic academic environment a few years ago, and I never imagined things could get better. But they did. Hang in there, and seek as much help as you can. Good luck.

Di said...

I was so happy to come across this post!
I moved overseas to complete a challenging program and I ended up flying home on every break because it is a very dangerous area of Africa and spending down time here just didn't make sense. I had expected living here to it to be like all of the other times I lived/worked/studied abroad. However, it was completely different.
I'm in an extremely difficult program with no room for originality. The conformity has been debilitating at times and I feel like I have no "peers" due to the way it's structured.
I have also considered not coming back a few times but, finally, I am weeks away from completion and I feel like I just have to overcome it.
It has been great to find stress relief techniques all over the web. But I am more happy to see other women trying to make this all work and admitting the process is hard but not necessarily defeating!
One thing I can say I learned is that I want to move home and stay home. My wonderlust has all but disappeared. As for entering academia and all that entails...I can't even think about it right now.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the post. I am only a month in, but the anxiety I feel over my classes and assistantship has completely taken me by surprise. Definitely some food for thought in this post and the comments.

lostRyu said...

I realize this is old post but I really wanted to ask you or any of the people who commented how their situations turned out. I am in my second year of grad school but my first semester as a research assistant. I feel so completely overwhelmed and frequently experience panic attacks. I have never had either in my life before this. I feel as tho I may have to resign my job and withdraw. I do feel comfort knowing that I am not alone.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for writing this. There definitely needs to be way more awareness of grad school depression. I have a bout a year and half left of grad school and I am ready to rip my hair out! I never knew just 2 (2 1/2 in my case) years of schooling could put in such a state of disgust, self doubt, and anxiety. I at first thought it was me and that I couldn't handle it; I was the one with the problem...suck it up. But I have realized it's not just me and after speaking to one of my professors, she got that. I suggest talking to a professor you have had in the past or have now. Just hearing their words that they understand helped me a lot. Also what has kept me going is the financial burden I would have if I didn't get my degree. I've come this far, can't turn back now. Life will get better, it has too!! To all my fellow grad students, hang in there!!

Lylyn said...

Or don't hang in there, and don't bother getting it because it isn't necessarily better on the other side. I went through hell and back to get my master's, and I came across this article looking for information on depression *post* graduate school. Sometimes, it's really not worth it, and life on the other end isn't much better. I can't believe that my degree, at an ivy league institution, did absolutely nothing for me, and it was so incredibly difficult and my experience was so bad while I was there, that I'm in the position I am now: not wanting to go back into academia having been burnt out completely in that regard, but virtually worthless anywhere else. It's like a bad dream; i've never been so depressed or socially awkward in my life, and it's entirely because I feel used up, washed out, cast out, a year an a half out of a horrible grad school experience with no future and no job prospects in sight...

Anonymous said...

Seconding one of the "Anonymous" posts, please, please seek help if you are in the throes of the anxiety and depression that cause so much suffering among grad students. At this point, I believe almost all universities have confidential counseling services, and some have additional resources like stress reduction groups - and both are usually free or very inexpensive. I suffered through my first year of grad school feeling miserable and alone until I found 1) a "mindfulness-based stress reduction" class; and 2) ongoing counseling with trained psychologists. Through both I found an outlet to express my inner feelings and learned new techniques to cope with stress. It takes both courage and intelligence to ask for help but the reward of reducing the inner pain (and side effects like damaging relationships with family and friends) is worth it!

DumplingSizedBrain said...

Wow, the comment of plumpdumpling makes me irate (Sorry!)

Let's take all these assumptions one by one.

Wake up late: I have to be at school by 9am either because I have classes, or meetings, or need to teach. Many days I'm there at 7:30am because I need to get an experiment in.

Spend most of the day at home: Maybe if I was writing my dissertation!! I'm lucky to be home by 9pm on an average day.

Don't have to leave the house at least one day: Maybe, if we didn't need to go to laundromats or buy groceries, or interact with other human beings.

About our copious time at home: at some point in our schedule we're supposed to shower and sleep. And publish papers. And grade. And read journals. And squeeze in a phone call to our estranged families. And study.

You're an idiot.

LB said...

I think this overall anxiety has a lot to do with the fact that everyone here is uncertain of the future. I assure you all that this isn't an issue of grad school this is happening in American society at large!! It is a scary thought for me because I know the implications for this. I can say keep fighting, but it isn't fair because I am dealing with this too. For me I just never accept anything less than what I KNOW I EARNED AND DESERVE. With that being said I get people telling me that is an entitled attitude to have. I ignore it because if I don't carry myself with that attitude then I wouldn't be able to find happiness or success at the end of all my struggles. Anyway Bob Marly did wonders. I spent my undergrad mostly overseas so for me its readjusting to American life, dealing with the fact that I am on the east coast now. People reference things a lot, and expect you to know or get the jokes. They assume because of where I am from apparently we all listen to country music. I am from a city. No one I grew up with listened to country music so sorry I don't know who these country artist are or a song in that genre. I might have heard it in some commercial, but clearly not. Anyway. For me it has been a combo of reverse culture shock, the boredom of not being in a different country every 2 months like I have been doing for the last 4 years, and overall the workload isn't the issue, but the expectations of certain professors. The class midterm wasn't designed for groundbreaking work, but he expects it. Doesn't make any sense to me. For that I just simply do what I can, turn it in, and move on. The worse that can happen is you get kicked out. Anyway another part of the anxiety is that american society is focussed on class and status. I didn't realize how hard we actually work, but man the seriousness of American undergraduates is quite intense. American students work HARD!!! And after all that work they are told it was useless, worthless even in the STEM fields. I think overall the anxiety and stress has a lot to do with the lifestyle choices we are forced into without ever seeing a different perspective on life.

Anonymous said...

It's good to know that a lot of my fellow grad students feel the same way I do. My advice is don't go to grad school; if you're a grad student, quit. There are some great comments on this subject at:

http://scienceblogs.com/thusspakezuska/2009/02/grad_school_fosters_depression.php

J.D. said...

For me, I'm in my 1st year now at a medium sized institution. I came from a small southern HBCU and the transition was difficult. Within the 1st semester, I had to TA a lab, grade homework, and grade lab reports. I was also expected to start my research, but I told my adviser that I needed to focus on my courses. The way my school works is that for Electrical Engineering, there are no comprehensive exams. Your acceptance into the PhD program depends on your grades and research. I have to make A's in my "core courses" in order to even be considered for the PhD program. My 1st semester, I took two core courses, and they seemed impossible. One professor is extremely demanding. There were days where I felt like I was having a panic attack during class because of the fast pace and expectation level. I was always playing catch-up. We had homework sets due every week, and it took me literally the whole week to do it.

Office hours are different in grad school too. Though professors like to see students giving their best effort, they expect you to understand everything on your own. They will not explain homework problems to you. That is considered spoon feeding in their eyes. By the end of the semester, I just told myself I wasn't going to stress my self out anymore. I got a B- and a C+ the 1st semester. Essentially, I failed my first semester. Currently, I am on academic probation and must make a 3.5 to stay in my program, and be considered for renewal of my fellowship. I am taking the same difficult demanding professor for my lasers course.

Whatever happens happens. If I don't get renewal, it's not the end of the world. I'll live. I'll get a job. I won't starve. After all, I entered the sciences so I could get a good job. Maybe that's why I'm having a hard time. My heart's not 100% in what I'm doing, but I've been programmed since high-school to do math and science so I don't know what I'll do if I don't do this.

Anonymous said...

I too am glad you wrote this! I have become a terribly negative, self conscious person since I started school. I simply do not feel like I used to.

I have been fighting a toxic environment as well - it is the hardest thing I have ever done. You would think that the folks in graduate school were there to learn, but many of them just want another degree so that they can get another degree so.... so what? A lot of it is ego gratification.

I agree with these others that yes, the graduate experience is more of a grind than I could ever put into words. I think a lot of us get into trouble about the school we choose. Most students go to graduate school for the name - the Harvard's and the Yale's - rather than the professor and group of current students. I cannot stress enough that you will be much better off if you choose a lesser-known school with a nice, close-knit group of students than if you choose a school for the name only. Choose an instructor who is highly rated, very organized, and surrounds himself/herself with great graduate students, and the experience will be what should.

Even I chose the school for the professor and had a terrible experience. If you're thinking about graduate school, visit the campus frequently and ask a lot of questions about the program before you go. If the other students in that lab aren't jumping for joy about you coming in, it's probably because they don't have a lot of good things to say about it - especially if those kids are smart.

Anyway, good luck to you all in life. It is very refreshing to know I've not been going through this alone. It can be difficult to pull yourself out of this type of situation - I have been trying for months. I have found that by forcing myself to be positive and smile more in life, everyone around me is beginning to believe that I am a positive person. Even I am starting to believe it :)

Anonymous said...

Firstly, thank you to DumplingSizedbrain for setting the record straight with plumpdumplings. He does sound like someone not even finished high school making. comments Like that... (idiot indeed)

Thank you to the author of this article and other contributors.... I have just finished third semester of my masters of teaching and I feel so empty and Down..

When the pressures on and I have deadlines, my positive fighting instinct kicks in and I feel fine. But now that the last essay paper is in I feel totally lost and Down on myself..

It has taken a big financial toll on me and put pressure on my relationship with my gf, in a huge way.. I'm just so lucky that she is very understanding type of gal and doesnt dump me coz I'm so unavailable..

Anyway, this masters is the hardest, most stressful (to extremes) thing I have ever done and now I feel like an empty shell..... It's really important to create study/life balance if at all possible and call people who you love every now and then, if u don't have time to see them.

Goodluck

Anonymous said...

I am so glad to have found this blog -- thank you to everyone for sharing. This may give me the courage to do what I should have done months ago: withdraw from grad school.

I am currently in my second year of an MA program and it has been nothing but stress and anxiety-filled nightmare. While I was doing the course work in the first year, I was so busy that I would get home after putting in 10-12 hours at the library and literally shovel some food into my mouth before falling into bed exhausted. I had no support network as I had moved across the country from my family and partner to city where I knew no one.

Now that I am in the thesis-writing portion, I can't go to bed at night without stressing about what I have to get done the next day or feeling guilty because I didn't accomplish enough that particular day. I am so sick of my topic that I never want to look at it again.

I've always been something of a worrywart, but since I've been in grad school I've experienced full on panic attacks and had to see a councillor. Feelings of hopelessness, depression, isolation and anxiety have become a normal occurrence in my life.

I don't want to be a quitter, but at some point health is more important than pride or adding something to a damn resume...

sarah t. said...

To all- I first want to say I commend everyone of your efforts, even if you left grad school, because it takes much hard work and determination to even get into grad. Secondly I am starting this upcoming week and I had a horrible panic attack already worrying about my advisor and if she will end up being a jerk though I admire her tremendously. Other then this, and maybe this is naive but I an excited in a positive way to go to grad. I cannot wait to do research, to teach and to immerse myself in my chosen topic area. I am a bit worried now after reading all of these posts! Is it that terrible? The department has really made an effort to makr me feel welcome, is this unusual? They even had free massages, lunch and a wellness seminar. I just wanted to know if this happened to others and if it didn't help with stress? Thank you all and keep your heads up, not many people can even attempt to deal with graduate schools intensity.- Newbie

Brett said...

I echo the sentiment of many of those before me, thank you for sharing, it makes me feel better! Its a cruel joke this higher education business and that's exactly what it is, a business. Universities are in the business of making money and we are the customers paying hefty amounts to go to grad school and support this broken system. Anyone who has taken introductory Economics knows the solution is to reduce the supply, in order to increase the demand for our expertise. I wish I had more encouraging words to add, but all I can say is that I too feel the pain of Grad school and you are not alone if you hurt.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this. I'm here via searching grad school anxiety.

Things were going pretty well with my PhD work right up until near what I think is the end of my research. Just met with my committee to discuss defending and all I got was negativity and them telling me how disappointed they are in my many years of work. I've done everything on the research proposal and more with incredibly difficult circumstances but somehow it's "not enough" and they won't even tell me why. I'm just "a disappointment". So what's the point of continuing? Why work 60-100 hour weeks if they're just going to fail me?

Anxiety and depression: I've got them both. It was a struggle just to get outside the door today. I just want to disappear.

What benefit do they gain by tearing down the students they're supposedly "mentoring"? Why is the entire process negative and soul crushing? Why is the environment so very toxic? It's not benefiting anyone so how come it persists?

Anonymous said...

I know that I am not alone in feeling the affects of depression and anxiety in grad school. I am in my second year of my master's program and continually questioning if I can make it. I am already looking at extending my time in order to get through, but, at the same time, I find myself wondering how I can do do it when my motivation is so low. Even during the times when I do not feel the stereotypical low feelings associated with depression, I feel the apathy and the strong urge to run away and/or avoid life. Right now, it is is the last day of my school's Reading Week for the semester. I have accomplished little to nothing during this time I had originally thought would be my time to actually get ahead. I find myself behind in everything and not feeling much of the motivation I need to even be "on-track." I have supportive faculty and was given the chance to petition for incompletes last term in order to complete my work. I feel like such a failure to even think of doing the same thing again. What will they think of my ability to do this type of work? I've dropped out of grad school once before many years ago and already feel the desire to do so again. Just withdraw and let it all go. But then I am farther in debt with nothing to show for it. It feels so hopeless.

Anonymous said...

Whoever posted the last comment, I feel like I'm reading something I wrote. Maybe we go to the same school? this was my reading week, too, and I only feel more behind. I'm having a terrible time here. My boyfriend lives hours away, the idea that I won't live near him for another year and a half makes my heart sink. Reading week only made me realize how unhappy I am to be away from the people I care about. Life seems too short to feel this way. I am considering withdrawing but don't know what I'd do next.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. It's nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with feeling this way. I'm in my last two semesters of coursework before my dissertation and can honestly say getting a PhD has been the hardest thing I've ever done.

I absolutely hate the program I'm in but I came this far and am sticking it out. Last year though I was very close to quitting when the department got a new head who is a horrible human being. For some unknown reason the head of the department hates me and has humiliated me in front of the other grad students on a regular basis. During meetings with those grad student who teach, like me, she has regularly pointed out things from her evaluations of my teaching that she says I need to do better in front of everyone else. Her evaluations are suppose to be private. She never does this to anyone but me and I constantly feel humiliated in these meetings. Most of the time I feel bullied by my department head for no good reason. The social hierarchy of grad school also sucks because in my department there are upperclass grad students and lower class grad students and which category you end up in is determined by professors preferences in who they want to work with. There are two grad students who are the heads favorites and me and several of my peers feel alienated because they get preferential treatment over every other grad student. These two individuals make the environment toxic because no one else has a chance to get ahead with them around.

For the past year I've started having anxiety attacks from stress. I can be sitting on the couch doing nothing and suddenly feel overwhelming anxiety come over me that takes days to go away. I never dealt with depression or anxiety before PhD school. I've come home crying on numerous occasions. I have so much work to do and it seems like I'm drowning most of the time. What makes it worse several of my friends I got my masters degree with who didn't go on for PhDs are doing well and have good jobs. They're buying houses, getting married, having babies, etc. I could have had a great life if I hadn't pursued the PhD but I'm so close to finishing that I will not quit now. This program will not beat me!

angela said...

19I started grad school in September and I am ready to quit. I have never experienced an axiety attack until now. I work full-time and am taking 9 hrs and I feel like I'm drowning. I certainly could have benefited from some type of prep class before starting.

Rachel said...

I'm so glad people are talking about this. I've cried 3 times already today and I feel like its not going to stop. I feel like I don't want to get out of bed in the morning because I know the stress that's waiting for me in my office. And I feel like everyone in my program is handling things because when we're in class discussion everyone seems to carry it so well. I feel no matter how hard I work I'm struggling just to keep my head above water. I just finished my undergrad with flying colours and I knew that grad school was going to be harder, but not like this. I feel like a failure and that there is something wrong with me because I can't keep up. I'm putting in a ton of library hours, then I come home and do more work and I've barely scratched the surface. I had no idea it was going to be like this. I wish they had prepared/warned us about this. We sat through an hour orientation session about academic integrity, why not make us sit through even just 20 minutes about dealing with the depression and stress of grad school? This sucks.

doris clay said...

I am currently in an MBA program only part time and working full time and I feel very similar to Tracey (May 10, 2009 9:19 AM). I barely want to leave the house if it's not for work or class. On weekends I try to force myself to do homework but usually can only try for one day, around my many naps and only on and off sleep throughout the other day. I rarely feel like making any effort to do much else as far as housework or hobbies because I feel like doing anything other than homework is unacceptable because it seems like other people are constantly doing homework but no matter how much I tell myself that I need to study or do homework, I can never bring myself to do it until the last minute or the weekend (whichever comes first). So basically nothing much gets done. I thought it was just me being lazy, but when I think of all of the things I used to do before going back to school and all I plan to do after school is over, I realize it must be depression or something similar since my uninterest in doing anything is directly related to my being in business school.

Part of the problem is that I don't like school, never did, and don't like business very much, it's not my undergrad degree (biology), and I just came to business school because I know that an MBA would be useful to find many different types of jobs (my ultimate goal being a fashion stylist or merchandiser). So instead of going back for another bachelors degree I wanted to get a more advanced degree that will possibly help with fashion, as well as other business jobs I might end up liking. I'm now about 1.5 years in and I don't see myself liking any business type jobs and I hate school so much that I'd rather try learning and networking on my own towards a fashion job without an mba.

So now I'm at school which I don't like, and most of the teachers are very bad and rude and I feel like I was tricked into going in the first place because the recruiters said that no prior business knowledge is necessary but then the teachers have attitudes if you didn't already learn business things. Also all of the groups that we are forced into include some peers who are fake and backstabbing in order to make themselves look good. And I'm supposed to network all of the time as well. I don't want to come to class let alone do anything more. Friends and mentors have convinced me to try to stay at least another semester (after my current one) to try to do a project with a company who can be a contact for a fashion job. We'll see how that goes or if I stop feeling like doing nothing but staying in my apartment.

Anonymous said...

I'm so ultimately happy I found this post and all the comments with it. It helps me a lot to know that I am not alone in this wretched grad school situation.

I moved across the country from the big city life to a tiny dingy town, leaving my family, friends and my boyfriend behind just to do an MSc. It's the worst decision I have ever made in my life, definitely not worth the health problems it is causing me (severe depression, emotional pain, etc) and I know I will regret this decision till my dying day.

My supervisor is an egotistical jerk and ultimately this project I am working on it going no where. I have been stuck in the same place for the past 7 months and I have been a fool not to quit and walk away, but sadly I can't quite now. I'm 9-12 months away from finishing it and I've put so much effort and time and most of my life into it that I can push myself to quit. I'm faced with the fact that if I do quit I know my family will look down upon me and I will lose my relationship. I just don't know what to do...chase after my happiness and health and leave everyone unhappy or push through, suffer it out, and come out with people being happy with me yet myself losing a year of my life and happiness. I just don't know what to do.

I'm going to try and get help for my depression and tips on how to manage it. It's really affecting my life and so I have to take action and hopefully things will get better. I've been hoping for a long time, hanging on for so long and now I'm at a breaking point, at the end of my rope, ready to fall. Things seem so dark and dismal, I don't really know if they will get better...I just pray they do.

If I can offer anyone considering grad school, then I say: DON'T DO IT. It's not worth the health risk just to get letters after your name. Finish an undergrad degree and be happy with it and get a job. I wish I could turn back time and change my decision...

Thank you again for this post and for the comments. I feel better knowing it's not just me but it's actually grad school causing all my problems...and it helps to know I'm not alone.

Best wishes to everyone. Cheers.

Jaimee said...

All of your comments have been so good to hear, since I am now questioning whether I can complete grad school after the experience I've had so far.

Today I've spent the better part of the day crying (good thing I work from home most of the time??) because I got terrible feedback on a presentation I did showcasing my research to all the other grad students in my department. The professor who facilitates these seminars sent me a "special" message to let me know that I came off bored and uninterested in my work, and that I haven't done enough research and am not where I need to be at this point.

I don't know what to do anymore... I came to grad school expecting mentorship and skill-building but have been left to figure everything out myself and apparently have done a crap job of it. Did I mention I'm terrified of public speaking? That was a HUGE feat on my part to even get up and talk infront of all my peers, but this prof had not one encouraging word for me.

I already suffer from severe depression (actually bipolar depression). I travelled across the country to attend this school, it cost me all the savings I had to my name, now I've been in grad school for 7 months getting in ever deeper debt. I hate this school experience so much, I can't flourish in this environment of super confident people when I have no mentorship or support of my own. I also was not prepared to be constantly told what I'm doing isn't good enough. When you already suffer from depression you personalize all these comments - even though they may be meant to be constructive and encourage you to be realistic and improve.

I feel like a failure among my peers, but dropping out will only make me feel like an even bigger failure. I don't know what to do. I've been seeking councelling and I just made an appointment with the clinic to go back on meds. Hopefully that helps.

To the "Newbie", if you don't suffer from a mental illness grad school can still be incredibly challenging but when you have your mental health to worry about it's a more dangerous endeavour. If you are of a healthy mind, I'm sure you will at least stand a better chance of doing well. If not, make sure the rest of your life is in good order (financially, etc.) before you add this extra burden. And set up a councellor, etc. to make sure you have a "safety net" for when times are tough. Many people accomplish grad school just fine and you may be one of them, just don't feel you have to take this step in order to be successful in life.

MollyL said...

Thanks for sharing this, and for everyone who commented on it. This type of thing is never spoken of and it REALLY needs to be.

I went to grad school and moved far away from anyone I knew. I became more and more depressed the longer I was there but I stuck it out and didn't quit.

The problem is I've been struggling with self worth and depression ever since I graduated 4 years ago. It really took a lot out of me and I don't know how to get out of it.

I studied singing and anytime I try to sing I become seriously depressed and want to cry. So I clearly have that traumatic association. Which makes me so sad.

Any success stories on pulling out of that grad school/post grad school funk? Any advice?

Anonymous said...

It's so nice to know I'm not alone...

I've always struggled with depression and anxiety, and it's been a particularly rocky time for me this past year. On top of everything, I ended up with carpal tunnel, which left me with 2 incompletes last semester.

Now, the deadlines to finish those assignments are right here, and I *still* can't get myself to do the work. For the past month, I've been paralyzed by panic attacks--usually 2-3 times daily, I'll have major episodes, and for about 50% of the day I'll have a general feeling of terrible anxiety.

I love my subject...except that I'm not sure the program's right for me. And, to be honest, I'm sick of being so serious and analyzing everything all the time, and I feel that school just adds to my inability to break out of that pattern. When I think about going on and doing quals (I'm currently an MA student, but had planned on doing a PhD afterward), I'm filled with this all-consuming dread. There are other things I could be doing, and I'm not sure this program is worth the toll on my emotional health, but at the same time, I'm worried that I may just be letting my anxiety disorder get the better of me.

Except, when I think about the things that I'd be devastated not to do...school isn't one of them, so I'm really not sure what that says. It seems like I'm putting myself through hell for something I'm not sure I want badly enough.

Anonymous said...

I'm in my 5th year as a science PhD student and I'm completely miserable. I had major panic attacks my 2nd year until I decided to switch advisors, which made things a whole lot better for a few years. I'm so lucky to now have a great, understanding advisor and awesome labmates... but now I'm back in depression again because everything I've been working on is failing. None of my experiments are panning out and time is running out. I'm trying to stay positive but grad school has definitely made me an angry, impatient, bitter person. I hope that once I graduate and leave research that I can go back to being the happy person I used to be...

Anonymous said...

I am glad i found this post. I was suppose to start grad school, but recently told them i was not comming. My anxiety wins again, big suprise!! I am sick of losing the battle!

Anonymous said...

I completed my bachelor's degree in a big city. Much of my family is from the area and I made really close friends there. I got into my undergrad for graduate school as well, but was told by professors to go elsewhere for experience. I listened to them and am now in the middle of nowhere. My boyfriend and I ended up breaking up. It is very, very isolated here. Everyone in my program is male and married. I am not used to how suburban everything is and can't afford a car. It is horribly isolated. I was so happy in at my undergrad school, doing work that I loved with great people that I could connect with. I worked extremely hard there, but did not experience depression like this. The only thing I ever thought was that I never took a moment to enjoy life. Now I feel even more that way. I think there has been something seriously wrong with me since I have been here. Today I woke up crying and have been doing this on and off all day. I have never been so sad in my life because I feel like I gave up so much happiness to come here and it's not even as if I have any hope of job satisfaction at the end. I am thankful other people are out there talking about this. It makes me feel like I am less alone.

Anonymous said...

I am a 36 years old PhD student and I lost my will to live. I spend all days on my own writing: all weekends, and most nights. I started having numerous health problems, and I feel utterly dreadful. I see my friends getting on with their lives, and I am just sitting there with my laptop losing my mind. The quality of my work is worse and worse. I started having suicide thoughts some time ago, I just cannot see the way out. I invested so much in this PhD, and my husband is paying for it now, so there is a huge pressure. All my family is in another country, and I am very lonely. Also, I earn no money and I am completely dependent on my husband while I am a PhD student. In other words, I have no money, no job, no career, no family, and no self-esteem anymore, but I cannot quit at this point. I think I will never finish it, and I regret I ever started. The worst thing is my supervisor is a really lovely person, and I hate myself even more for disappointing her over and over again.

Doris Clay said...

I guess the only thing I can say is that it's not worth it to be miserable or commit suicide! If anything, just take a break from doing the work, take a week off of school and think about if you really want to quit, because yes you can quit! You may end up wasting a ton of money and effort but at least you'll have your happiness and sanity. That's what I did. I stopped doing schoolwork and started really thinking, "is this really worth my being miserable for the foreseeable future?"

I had my mind made up to quit going to school and started telling my mentors (friends) that I was quitting because it was too much torture and I'd rather work on getting the job I wanted some other way (just network and study on my own). Then my friend made see that I don't actually have that much longer to go, most of my requirements are done so I will be able to pick more classes that I don't hate in the mba program as well as work on taking independent studies. So I did the math and realized that she was right! I was almost done with the hard part (the required courses) and would be more free to take courses that I really liked. So the following semester I did just that, I took a break from classes I knew I wouldn't like and only took classes that I thought I would like. You can also take an "easy" semester of less credits, or just take a semester off! If you think about it, wasting money is way better than losing your sanity. We're all in debt for life anyway because school cost so much and loans are going to take forever to pay back (at least mine are), so as I gain more and more loans I just think, what's adding to a debt that is already going to take forever to pay back? Forever + forever? That's ok :-)

Anyways, now I actually have 4 more semesters to go, so I figure I can suffer for that much longer, but if you can't, don't. But first take a break, think about the pros and cons of staying and finishing school, and then decide. If you are almost done with the hard part, or can go a different route that you'd like better, than do it. If you realize that you are almost finished, and think that you can withstand doing a little more, then finish. But don't kill yourself or mentally damage yourself just because you don't want to be a quitter, or don't want to have wasted the money. If I were to drop out, I was at least going to be putting partial mba on my resume, because all that I have learned is not null and void just because I don't have the degree.

WE CAN ALL DO IT, OR FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO!!!

heavy_blankets said...

Hi everyone.

I noticed that most of these posts are rants and raves of our grad student anxiety. Can we turn this into a place where we can help each other out? I've personally gone through dialectical behavior therapy myself a few years ago. Here is a power point on DBT I found:

http://uwaims.org/webinars/slides/AIMS_MHIP_Distress_Tolerance_Skills.Slides_051310.pdf

What do you guys do to lower your heart beat and burning chest feeling before you go into class?

Have you heard of impostor syndrome?

Anonymous said...

I view this as a welcome forum to commiserate/for shared sad experiences. Just want to say, if you're planning on going to grad school in the sciences, you'd better be assertive and/or find an adviser who is at least peripherally concerned about your well-being. Otherwise you may find yourself helpless to others eager to steal your ideas and claim them as their own. Then you'll try to salvage some semblance of a thesis project, but your adviser may not be interested in your NEW ideas.

Anonymous said...

I hope things have improved for you since this post

azam baizen said...

I recently dropout my master's degree from uni at UK and somehow I kinda regret it. This guilt and regret have been killing me and I do not how to move on. Before this I really want to quit because I do not like what I studied and like the rest of you guys I feel suicidal and so on so it's better for me just to quit. However turns out quitting doesnt change my problems and thoughts. I kept blaming myself maybe I should try harder not just quit. I should just move on but it is damn hard to let it go the past.

Anonymous said...

I am currently studying my masters, finishing the end of this september 2014, from day one I have felt out of place and very anxious which is not like me at all. I have even started smoking again which I have not done for four years. I feel culturally and socially different, especially coming from a poorer background than most, I have made no friends there at all and feel even the teachers don't wish to know me. If I hadn't put all my savings into this then i would have quit, but the thought of quitting will probably make me feel worse. I am crying a lot and have even started feeling estranged from the people I should feel closest to in my personal life, I am just hoping to pass without destroying who I am and I am so scared of letting everyone down. I can't talk to anyone about it really, they don't understand. So thank you for making this post, even thought I still feel the way I do it helps to know I am not alone, because everyone else on my course seems to have there life so together, everything neatly mapped out.

Anonymous said...

After getting a Masters degree from London, my life and confidence has turned upside down. I've lost my passion for life, I'm fed up of sending CVs, I hated the job I worked part-time (which was assisting kids to learn to dance and telling them to sit still). But I took it anyway because I have to start somewhere. I know I'm completely ranting out here, but I need to get it all out. My relationship with my family wasn't the same when I arrived back home from London. It broke down, eventually I broke down. My OCD thoughts just make confidence and being care-free difficult. Everything is sucking the love and happiness out of me. My relationship is spiraling downwards. And I was made to believe life would be much more fulfilling after this stupid degree. Honestly, I wish I had the courage to make my own decisions and not follow plans laid out for just because they seem "safe". It was a safe choice to get a Masters degree for me because my father paid for it. But honestly, after that amazing experience and returning back to my culture and things and life it;s difficult. And with the cultural invisible pressure of having babies an getting married by now. I can't begin to describe how it feels anymore.

Anonymous said...

After getting a Masters degree from London, my life and confidence has turned upside down. I've lost my passion for life, I'm fed up of sending CVs, I hated the job I worked part-time (which was assisting kids to learn to dance and telling them to sit still). But I took it anyway because I have to start somewhere. I know I'm completely ranting out here, but I need to get it all out. My relationship with my family wasn't the same when I arrived back home from London. It broke down, eventually I broke down. My OCD thoughts just make confidence and being care-free difficult. Everything is sucking the love and happiness out of me. My relationship is spiraling downwards. And I was made to believe life would be much more fulfilling after this stupid degree. Honestly, I wish I had the courage to make my own decisions and not follow plans laid out for just because they seem "safe". It was a safe choice to get a Masters degree for me because my father paid for it. But honestly, after that amazing experience and returning back to my culture and things and life it;s difficult. And with the cultural invisible pressure of having babies an getting married by now. I can't begin to describe how it feels anymore.

Marie said...

Thank you EVERYONE for posting about your experiences. I'm about to start my 7th year as a chemistry PhD and I want to shoot myself in the face just about every day. It has been a huge struggle (even with anxiety meds and counseling). I have spent literally years of my life working days, nights, weekends only to produce failed experiments on an uninteresting subject. My PI has recently "reassigned" the only real results I have to a post-doc, and she will basically get the credit for it because my PI "doesn't have time to teach me the analysis" and wants a quicker publication. But, I have to go along with it if I ever want rec letters for future jobs. I don't know about you guys, but I started this naively thinking I could make some sort of difference in the world, and all I see are huge egos and a bunch of politics. Can't help but wonder if it's all wasted time. Hopefully I will feel differently after my defense.

Anonymous said...

I wish with all my heart that i had never started my Masters degree. I regret it. I am due to finish in september and am trying every single day to get my dissertation done but i have no motivation, no enthusiasm, i am so tired and depressed, i have no confidence in myself and i have suicidal thoughts as i do not see any other way out. I am doing my Masters in the UK and have pushed myself so hard to do it, but the whole experience has been a nightmare and so far one of the hardest years of my life. I want it over. I wanted to do my Masters as i wanted to get my PhD and work in academia, these are things i no longer want and now loathe academia, the expectations of you are so high that you are already set up to fail. The stress is killing me and everybody just keeps telling you, you can do it, you will be fine, but what if i can't do it, i honestly believe that i can't do it, i don't know how, i am so emotionally distressed that i want to quit but if i do i feel like i will be letting so many people down including myself, what the hell do i do??!!?? No one prepares you for a Masters/Graduate degree, no one tells you how incredibly hard it is, especially if you are an average student, i do not get the tops marks, i never have, in my undergrad degree i averaged a 2:1 which i was over the moon with, but doing a Masters they expect you to get 1st's like its just normal?!? Well that is beyond me, i am not capable. Financially this degree has crippled me and my boyfriend and even impacted on my family. It's a mess a huge mess and i can't see anyway out apart from struggle to write my dissertation, cry every day, suppress my dark thoughts and try to get up everyday. It's been sheer hell and i am still living it. Unless you are very very academically minded, highly intelligent and rich don't do a Masters, it will destroy you.

Abigail Edwards said...

Does anyone have advice for me? I'm British and I'm just about to start a one year, full-time MSc at Edinburgh University. I have two weeks to go until I start and I'm having serious doubts. Although my BA (Hons) wasn't exactly intellectually tough for me, I did get extremely depressed in my third year and I nearly dropped out but didn't, got over it and got a 2:1. I want to pursue a career in film theory, so a masters degree is the next logical step for me and I really want to do it, I just don't know if I want to do it right now. I'm 22, I have no money, no work experience and I'll be relying on a loan to get me through this masters which I'll have to start paying back a month after I finish (not exactly leaving me time to say, travel and live). I want to do it, I've got in and I've got the funding, but at the same time, I feel like I've been studying my whole life and as much as I love film theory, I can't feel that low again and I actually enjoy life most when I'm writing long essays, how odd. Anyway, I'd love some advice. If money wasn't such a big obstacle for me I'd just go for it, because then pulling out wouldn't be such a travesty. Maybe I should just wait a year, save up, re-apply? Maybe I will never do it, if I don't do it now?

Anonymous said...

i feel like to kil myself everyday. Its been 5 years since i started my phd study. I just feel overwhemled, depressed and so tired. Feel like my life is so empty eventhough i have a husband and a son. some of my friends told me that the feeling never go over even after 2 years they finished their study. yes, i do agree that grad school is an incubator for anxiety and depression. Try to talk to someone close about my feeling but its turn up they dont understand. I just hope i just can finish it and maybe move on? Maybe just leaving academia?

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm a bit late here in the timing of my comment, but....here I go anyways. I'm currently finishing up my Masters (hoping to graduate in May). I was literally working on struggling through my thesis when I got on Google to read about grad school struggles, and I found this post. I do feel good knowing that other people have had the same difficulties that I have. But at the same time, I'm upset that this is what school has reduced so many people to. I originally wanted to go to graduate school to further my academic career, learn some new things, have new experiences, get myself out there, and overall prepare myself for a decent job in the coming future. However, now my goal is to just get out alive. If someone could just hand me my degree right now, I would gladly take it and run. I don't care about having my paper published. I don't care about what I've learned, or how far I've come. I just keep holding my breath and hoping I'll be finished soon so I can find a career and start living my life. I have been in college for 7 years straight (5 years of undergrad & 2 years of grad school), and I am so burned out. Between the pressure from professors, peers, and family, I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. I used to be confident, positive, spunky...But I feel like graduate school has taken all that out of me. I know I'll get it back once I'm done and have had time to decompress and heal, but for now things are a nightmare. I have felt nothing but alienation since starting graduate school. My professors and peers don't seem to want to get to know each other, and I find that the atmosphere is not supportive (every man for himself with some sabotage on the side). My program's department is small; however, much of my professors (and students) have MAJOR ego issues. In some cases, hard work and quality of work don't pay off. I have had to basically kiss ass to my professors in order to get by, which I find unfulfilling and fake. I had a professor nearly fail me from a class simply because I could not attend a gathering at her house, and I've had one of my male professors try to hit on me, hold my hand, and even touch my upper thigh. I'm so sick of all the politics of grad school, and I'm sick of feeling angry and frustrated and depressed. My thesis is due in a week (so I'm almost done, granted that my committee of professors allow me to pass). So I keep reminding myself that I'm almost done, and trying to hold on to the thought of finding a decent job and living my life. But at the moment, my patience is running thin. Thanks for this post, and thanks everyone for sharing their experiences. Stay positive; there is a light at the end of the tunnel...It's just that the tunnel is really, really long lol.

Anonymous said...

You're not late in posting your comment... It seems that this is very relevant at any time. I feel the same. Constantly depressed, angry, very bitter... This is not the person that used to enjoy science and was curious about things. It's almost like becoming a zombie of a person one used to be... It just sticks in the head that it's so NOT worth it - but at the same time, for whatever reason, I keep going... just a few months left. But this MS degree is definitely the most stressful, bitter, disillusioning and depressing experience I have ever had. I hope to never even have to look back at it after (hopefully) graduating. So much sacrifice though... I would have never started if I knew what I got myself into. Almost died in the process - and that's the major reason why it seems like it might be worth to keep going - I've been in hell and now, since it's relatively better, I would at least like not to leave empty handed. Won't be too upset though if I won't graduate though. It is so not worth getting completely crazy (I feel I've gotten there at some point, and never again) for....

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad I came across this page, albeit a bit late in my grad school career.

I'm finishing up my master's, and will be starting a PhD program this fall. I've battled major anxiety and depression throughout, so the fact that I'm continuing in academia is actually insane on my part. The problem is that now, "this is what I do," so I literally don't have a life plan otherwise. The whole time I've chalked my anxiety and depression up to me having it already, and grad school simply making it worse. I do believe that some people (like me) are predisposed to it, and grad school makes it worse. So, I think I'd probably be anxious and depressed in any field, but grad school has made it worse.

Echoing some other statements here, I think the phony aspect of grad school has been the worse part. Constantly being infantilized by the faculty and never being treated like a grown woman has been difficult, to say the least. Having to suck up to the faculty members and basically "play the game" to get ahead has been exhausting.

At this point, I'm a little stuck. If I don't stick it out with finishing the PhD, my career will be ruined, and my master's won't get me very far. I'm just grateful there are sites like these where we can come together to discuss our struggles. I really hope the future will bring a better academic system that supports and nurtures its students.

Anonymous said...

My name is heather ellen from ohio, usa. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in February this year on a business summit in Africa. I meant a man who’s name is DR. SOLUTION he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and money spell or spell for a good job or. I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 2 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this DR, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to US, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is solutiontemple37@yahoo.co.uk

Anonymous said...

My name is heather ellen from ohio, usa. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in February this year on a business summit in Africa. I meant a man who’s name is DR. SOLUTION he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and money spell or spell for a good job or. I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 2 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this DR, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to US, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is solutiontemple37@yahoo.co.uk

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty late in the game here but I'm ABD in a physical science PhD and I'm not sure I'm going to stick it through to the end. I love my field, I absolutely hate my topic. I think I burned through all my gas getting through coursework, comprehensive exams, and my proposal defense. I'm truly exhausted and am so ready to move on from all of this.

I agree with one of the above posters calling higher ed a business. An exploitative one at that.

Benitha Chris said...

Its no longer news that DR Zadson of EDUDUZADSONTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM is a man sent by God to help the lonely,oppressed,deserted and broken hearted. It was recently i saw comments of how this man helps restore lost love in a very short while and i have been depressed for long after i lost my husband to another. I made contact with him and i was told i will get results in 2 days but i actually didnt believe that as i have heard that from others whom i contacted and yet nothing but to my greatest suprise it all happened as promised and i could not hold this joy but resulted to this blog to talk about the goddness shown to me by Dr Zadson. If you are lost or confused worry no longer and contact Dr Zadson on eduduzadsontemple@yahoo.com he is god sent.

Magdalene Isaac said...

I am Alice from New York USA,I want to use this golden opportunity to appreciate the great spell caster called Dr.makuta for helping me get back my relationship with my ex lover when he ended and turned his back on me for quite a long period of time. Dr.makuta performed a spell for me and within 48 hours after the spell had been cast i receive a call from my ex saying that he is sorry for hurting me and that he will not do such thing to me in his life again, I was surprised but later accepted him back. Anyone that is in the same line of problem or having difficulties in there marriages or any part of life should contact Dr.makuta email address:makutaspellcaster@gmail.com OR +2348110035171

Magdalene Isaac said...

In our simple life, love plays a very specific role.Now we are able to make your love life healthy and it has no space for any type trouble. These all are possible with the help of Makuta TEMPLE OF SOLUTION. He helped me cast a spell that brought my long lost lover back withing 48hours who left me for another woman. you can also contact him on (makutaspellcaster@gmail.com OR +2348110035171 be happy forever like am now with his experience.

ivan said...

My boyfriend had this girl that has been ruining his relationships for years, he broke up with her three years ago, but she still controls him and destroys most of his relationships. I was now a victim. She came again to take him away from me, she tried all she could, but I kept my faith strong and stayed with my boyfriend without allowing her more into him. She also confronted me, told me that there is nothing I will do to make her leave him alone; she warned seriously that I am endangering my life and she will soon act stronger than ever. I was afraid and started having doubt in my strength because my boyfriend has already started seeing her; all hope was almost lost, I don’t know how this evil lady controls him since the day there had a dramatic break up. I decided to help save the man I love even if we will not be together again. I went to friends for advice and visited blogs too. I found testimonies about Dr. Owolabi Love Spell and others, but my spirit chose him. I took courage and emailed him and my life changed since then. The evil lady’s power over my boyfriend was destroyed and she doesn’t have any spiritual connecting again with him. My boyfriend has changed; he is feeling so relieved and healthy now than before. He also emailed to thank Dr. Owolabi for the love spell and encouraged me to also share our own testimony on blogs. We are grateful for what you have done. Email him and receive your own miracle through owolabispellcasters@gmail.com

Ana Jackie said...

This is my story...November 19,2012 I met the man of my dream....we started dating and everything was going well....we had our ups and downs like all couples do....but it became hard for him to commit to only me.....he loved me course....he showed me in his actions all the time....but I guess he thought he was going miss out something.....I just want him to love me the way I love him....but I later down the line I found out that I was Hiv positive and he left me because of the fear of the unknown about disease......then i saw Dr Ogudugu email address(GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM) off a secret base blog...I read several testimonies of his...I was more shock that he was able to do all this...but so many of these so called spell caster just want all your money...and not be able to help you....I would give more than thing to have my life back!Dr Ogudugu told me that all is well, he help me with the spell after i gave him all that is needed for him to do the spell to bring my lover back and also cure me of my Hiv disease which he did and now am cured and back with the man of my dream..I am so excited and relieved that there was finally a solution to my problems....I am so very grateful Sir!

Findingfunagain said...

Thank you for sharing your feelings and experience. I'm graduating from my Masters program tomorrow and I'm feeling down. I too have experienced the burnout, anxiety(pre-disposed with history) and what's really weird is I've forgotten what I find fun to do. I'll think about different activities that sound fun, but then I simply find not wanting to do anything. I'm a 4day a week gym goer, HIIT, heavy weights, agility, etc...in great shape, but am taking a week off after feeling more tired after workouts and feeling exhausted. I mention this because I share the advice that exercise can help. I won't miss school that's for sure and both my undergrad and graduate degrees were intense in science and business, so my brain is fried, but what I think I'm so sad about is nothing sounds fun to remedy my sadness. I'm extremely solution oriented and practical- I've had to be, so I've forgotten to make decisions from a place of fun instead of duty or "because it's the right thing to do".

I'm in a funk and want to feel better. Perhaps I just need to be okay with being for now.

Jamill Jones said...

I am currently in my second Masters program (MBA). This is a demanding program and I often feel burnout. Funny thing is I work as a mental health therapist so I can identify depression and anxiety setting in. I also have a family so I am driven to be successful to provide better for us all. My family is often burdened by my moodiness from my work overload (work and school). I have about a year left and I am trying to stay focus, maintain my family, uphold the finances within the home, not flunk out and do a small thing like maintain my sanity. I will talk to someone soon and find positive outlets so I can keep pushing through.

Unknown said...

So you are saying you had an amazing experience in grad school? I wish I had those experiences!!!! :(

Anonymous said...



Thank you thank you thank you is all I can say. After working with Dr. Todd my court case worked out in my favor and I must say that it was looking very bad. He helped me to be able to get past this awful period in my life and move forward without it following me forever. E-mails: manifestspellcast@gmail.com or manifestspellcast@yahoo.com

San Francisco, CA)